Newton's Law Of Cyber Offense - Cynfeld #10
Cynfeld 10 Synopsis
In this animated Cynfeld short, Newton, a recently-fired cyber operator from CISA, shares his sarcastic and jaded insights into life in offensive cyber operations at Cyber Command. He riffs on the contrast between the glamorized image of cyber offense and the mundane reality of bureaucracy, legal limitations, and paperwork.
Newton jokes that while people think cyber offense is cool, most of the job involves waiting for approvals, filling out forms, and writing malware in Python that's more poor judgment than cutting-edge tech. He takes shots at the formal language used in the military, where “hack” becomes “weaponized cyber capability under Title X.”
He even pokes fun at compliance and cloud misconfigurations, noting that one dev team's unsecured S3 bucket made holiday shopping easy. He’s then greeted by a former teammate who now goes by the call sign Zero Cheddar — a self-proclaimed stealthy hacker who “leaves no trail of cheese.” Newton quips back that the logic is flawed, just like attribution in cyber.
